"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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