i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
