I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
