it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
