I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
