Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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