saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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