There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
