That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do herpes really smell.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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