Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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