Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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