bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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