My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
