Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
