I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
