I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
