i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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