i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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