so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
