kristin has been a bad kristin
too bad you live with your parents still
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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