Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
