I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
