Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
