definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
These tits shall not be calmed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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