Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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