Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
