I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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