Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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