My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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