i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
