Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
