every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
