I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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