I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
