after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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