my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
