I can tuck mytits in my pants
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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