Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
