Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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