Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
