Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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