You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
