I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
