she woke up with a sticky ear
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
