There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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