I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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