Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
