I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
