don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
