i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
