lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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