I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
