sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
