How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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