Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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