I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
