Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Still dying that you shit outside
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
