my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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