the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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