onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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