I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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