I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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