I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
