Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
