I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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