Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
