As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
