i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
