I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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