Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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