people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
