I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
