Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
