Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
