So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
