He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
time to smoke my breakfast
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
