Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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