Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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