watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
