Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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