Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
