Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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