It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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