I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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