I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
